YIPES!  In 2014 it's 100 years since the BIG 1914! The End really is near..... of Watchtower false prophecy!

From awaken2004:  A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St Peter asks, "Religion?" The man replies, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven St. Peter:  "Religion?" Baptist." St. Peter:   "Ok got to room 18 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. St. Peter: "Religion?" Man: "Jewish." St. Peter:  "Go to room 11 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says "I can understand there being differen room for different religions, but why must I be quiet as I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him:   "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they are the only ones here." Once upon a time, three Jehovah’s Witnesses passed away on Christmas Eve.  All three professed to be of the anointed and indeed all three went right up to heaven before God’s throne. The holy apostle Peter stepped forward in the light and said, “Hey, guess what!  Christmas is okay for Christians.  So each of you must possess something  that symbolizes Christmas in order to stay here.” The first JW, an older sister, searched in her purse and found a miniature battery.  She turned it on and said, “Why, look, Brother Peter, this symbolizes a powerful candle.” “Okay, you can stay,” said Peter. The second JW, a fairly young woman, reached into her pocket and pulled out some keys.  She jingle-jangled them excitely and said, 'These are  my bells.” Peter said “Wow!  Great!  You definitely get to stay, too!” The third, a thirty-one year old JW brother, searched desperately through his pants pockets until at last he  pulled out a pair of women's panties. Peter looked at the man, frowned deeply and said, “And just what do you think those are, Anointed Brother??” The man replied said, “Ahem!  Uh,.... mmmmm, theocratically speaking, Brother Peter, these are Carols.”

JOYFUL HUMOR You need not worry, Mrs. Public.  Jehovah's Watchtower Society organization says "repentant" pedophiles are good to preach at your door, nobody's perfect, and I've served my time... Oooops!

From Emptyinside: What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes door-to-door, but doesn't know why. You might be a JW if you think you're engaged if you put your arm around a girl during the meetings. (from Waiting) You might be a JW if you have to sneak to the Salvation Army to donate clothes to help out the poor. You might be a JW if you want to become an elder so you can ask all the intimate details! You might be a JW if you think that a good time on a date is underlining paragraphs together.

SOME QUICK LITTLE JOKES Galatians 5:22 lists "joy" as one of the fruits of God's Holy Spirit.  Therefore some fun including Christian jokes is AOK.  Laughter is natural and the Bible says it makes the heart happier too: Q: Which JW brother has two legs and no ears?  A: The one who called at Mike Tyson's door!  (Explanation: Tyson, a major pro-boxer, once bit off part of an opponent's ear) Q: What do you call it when you see a shed full of "holy pigs" while out preaching in the country?        A: A kingdom hog! They say a Sister isn’t complete until she’s married; then she’s finished! Q. What did little JW Baby Corn say to big JW Mama Corn? A. Where's JW poppa Corn gone? The Society Says: We aren't growing to the eye, but that's only because we're growing invisibly. Did you know David Letterman once said: The Jehovah's Witnesses sex scandal started its first day in court today. When they knocked on the door of the courthouse, nobody answered the door. Q. Why was the Sister disfellowshipped after working in the orange juice factory? A. She couldn't concentrate. Q. Did you hear about the Body's new way of saving money? A. Sell the old kingdom halls and Brooklyn skyscrapers to build a new palace in upstate New York! Don't beg for money, Crookland hates competition! Q. Do you know the new sign that Bethel is considering instead of "Read the Bible Daily"?     A. "Read the Watchtower Daily; a clear conscience is just the sign of a bad memory." Q. What does Brooklyn say about money?     A.  Well, Brooklyn says "All that money can't buy you happiness but it sure pays our bills!" Confusius say: "Brother who run behind car get exhausted, but Brother who run in front of car get tired and run over." If you think about it, one of the main reasons JWs don't celebrate Halloween is that we don't like people running up to our door and ringing the bell. Once upon a time there was a dog named Tax. French Bethel opened the door and income Tax.

How many Bethelites does it take to change a light bulb?  A hundred because since they all live in Brooklyn they have to keep changing it for "new light." Q. Did you hear about the Awake magazine on anti-gravity?   I just can't put it down! To quote Johnny Carson, "Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses get killed during an earthquake? They're always in your doorway." Q. What did Sister Bee say to handsome Brother Flower who was in the kingdom hall doorway?  A. Hey, Honey Bud, when you gonna open up? The wisest Elder once said..... go ask a Sister! A. Brother So-and-so of the Governing Body has a new teaching about the anointed sisters.  He says Revelation says there was "a great silence in heaven," so he thinks no sister is anointed.  Q. Did you hear why the Energizer Bunny can't go back to publishing door-to-door? A. The Elders say he's not "repentant" that he was charged with Battery! You know, Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith, and Jehovah's Witnesses certainly don't recognize each other at a porn shop. Q. Since Sister Ice Cream was disfellowshipped, where does she go to school now? A. Sundae School. A household once stumped a Sister by asking "If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God?"